Getting Out of the Comfort Zone in a Relationship

I was out of town these past days to meet my campus friend. One night when I spent in her boarding house, we had a deep & meaningful conversation about life, love, and faith.

She is a faithful-christian. She has a boyfriend and told me a lot how her relationship with her insensitive-boyfriend helped her faith grow in extraordinary way.

Her boyfriend is kind of unaware, hard and insensitive man; he is able to not communicating with my friend for almost a week; no phone, no texting at all. When my friend initially contacted him first to ask why he did not contact her, he said that he would contact her if she contacted him first (as a normal & prideful girl, would you do that? 😂) and he is a quiet man. I could conclude that her boyfriend is totally introverted person. And my friend said he was far from romantic. Of course for me, as a girl, who heard that would judge that the relationship is not healthy. She said her boyfriend was actually a kind person, but only lacked of romances.

But you know what, her perspective towards him makes me a quite speechless, this what I could conclude from what she told me:


She understands well that every person is unique and different, so that she tries hard not to compare her boyfriend to another men in general.

We cannot deny that we live in the show-off society era. The existence of social media such Instagram, Facebook, indirectly have made us to compete showing-off every beautiful part of our life. And we must be familiar with the photo where a boy romantically holds an anniversary for his dearest girl-friend, giving a big bouquet of flowers every month, travel aboard together, giving you a car and never let you suffer, and especially if you like to watch Korean dramas you will know well how perfect man treats his girlfriend perfectly and romantically. It probably becomes the standard how we value a relationship-goal with a perfect man & condition.

As she is an ordinary girl who also expects much on a man like any other girls; a man who always serves her girlfriend, a man who tries hard to be a provider of a girl's needs and etc, she once tells me that she ever feels that way too.
And you know, to overcome the envy she even tries not to open Instagram account and watching Korean drama, so she can focus and be faithful on what she is going through.

She changes her mindset by not thinking that perfect man not should be romantic, a man not should be like that or like this (even though she does realize that it's common that a man in general should have those basic requirements, do you think so?).

She told me, that when she was with her ex-boyfriends, she felt fully herself. Because her ex-boyfriends treated her totally like a queen. If she was lost contact even only in one minute, they would have spammed her phone by their texts and missed-call. But because of that, her faith could not grow. She became so dominant upon them, because she knew she was special and they would do anything to her. She often said "break up" every time they had argue. She could not appreciate what they have done to her.

But with her current boyfriend, instead of regretting and hating him, she remains more grateful. She said that her-hard-&-insensitive-boyfriend has helped her faith grow.

While her boyfriend was insensitive of her desires, instead of  complaining him, she learns to be more sensitive.

While her boyfriend lacked of romances, instead of comparing, she learns to be more faithful and tries to understand that.

While her boyfriend did no contact her first, instead of arguing it, she learns to be more selfless to contact him first.

When her boyfriend was busy and not enough time for her, instead of getting upset, she learns to be more patient.

She even learns to be a servant for her boyfriend. She knows her boyfriend does not have enough time even to meet her because he is busy to work and going to college at once. She always cooks breakfast and deliver the breakfast to his workplace. She never mentions what she has done to him every time they have argue. She prays for him.

Once I asked her, why she did not plan to break up with him. She humbly said that she wanted to be more faithful now for what God has given to her, despite she could not predict the future. She believes that even though her boyfriend is insensitive but he is actually a good person.

And she says in the end, she is grateful for her boyfriend. Because his imperfectness teaches her to be more selfless, and faithful person. She believes that her meeting with him is not coincidence.

She believes that's the way how God wants her to be more like Him, a faithful-servant.

She said that if God placed her to a comfort-zone relationship like she used to be; having a perfect man who always serves her and doing anything to her, she might not understand what is faithfulness and sacrifices really mean in relationship.

And sigh, I'm so proud of her faith.