Moving To The Next Level

Lately I've been so tired dealing with routinity and it makes me quite hard to control my emotions; every time someone criticize what I'm doing that I think I'm right, I get upset easily, rebel, and cry easily.

And this often happens in my home. I have an ambivalent father, if I can be honest, that's so rarely too see a dad figure in him, and things become really tough at home every time he starts to argue. He seldom appreciates everything I've done, he tends to see the negatives and discourage me at my very lowest stage. It drives me crazy sometimes to be staying at home, and make me think why I should be dealing with such kind of person? I always try to stay apart from the negative friends in my life, but when it happens to my dad, what can I do ?

There is the time when I was about to go Wednesday Prayer and Fellowship with my friend at 7.30 pm, at that time, my sister was out of home, and she asked me to pick her up, and I asked her to use Gojek (kind of taxibike online). But because she did not have the application on her phone, I said that I would order it from my phone to pick her up, so she didn't have to worry. But that turned so hurt when my dad instead blamed me and said that I was a selfish person. He said I should change my personality to care more of others, especially my sister. Not only that, he recounted again and again my past mistakes. He does not know at all how tiring I was from my routinity and I need some refreshment outside to gather with positive people. That's not the first one happen, if i have to write it here, it will never be enough to 100 pages.

And this is another story of my friend. Last year became the hardest years for her. She had a happy family, her father opens a grocery store at her home and her mother was a teacher. She lived well. And suddenly, her father was caught by the police because of illegal online gambling, and sent to the jail for almost 6 months. At that hardest time, her mother becomes partially paralyzed and cannot wake up, she has to lie down in the bed all day (until right now). She then decided to resign and take care of her mother and sisters at home and running her father's grocery store to support life. 

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I believe that God has a reason to place me, my friend, and you maybe in hard situation.
I love my father but sometimes he just drives me crazy. And then I look at to God and said to my self that Jesus is my father, I might never see a dad figure in life, but Jesus himself is my heavenly father and I know Jesus never leaves me alone. I know when my biological father does not appreciate me, but Jesus, my Dad will always appreciate what I've done. When my biological father never sees the positive in me, but I know for God I'm just the prefect child for Him. He knows my sorrows and I can always talk to Him through prayer.

If we see from the world perspective, it might be allowed to disrespect a parent like that, but as I take a look at God's standard, I know He has a reason to put me there.
Jesus knows me so well that I'm a tough person, and it's hard for me to respect a person who always disrespect me. it's easy just to leave like nothing happen if I meet a stranger do it to me, but when it comes to my father I have to learn an entire my life to respect him no matter what he has done to me. I learn to be more humble to keep silent and not to put a fight with him when everything seems to corner me.

And of course in my friend's case, she believes that she can pass all of it. All of the problems she is facing right now to shape her become stronger woman and to always surrender to Him. 

"The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." 1 Corinthians 10:13

My thought turn to His words that we are like His clay in His hand. He should do it to shape our personality and characters to be more like Him.

Jeremiah 18:6“O house of Israel, can I not treat you as this potter treats his clay? declares the LORD. Just like clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel.